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THE AMIR OF BALAGASH: News of the treachery of Ibn Hadh spread like the smell of carrion across the desert. Thus it was that his heresy did not remain secret for long. In the defence of all that is holy, my warriors followed the stench to its source and ambushed an infidel caravan taking bribes to Ibn Hadh. The first assault was quick and bloody, many of the infidel were slaughtered immediately while others were hacked down and their black souls were set on their journey to hell in battles that lasted most of the night. When dawn came, we found a few had taken refuge in a fort. Amir Kemal-Yocki led the charge on the fort, while Amir Ulla-Baloo held off reinforcements from Mahaba. The gallant Ulla-Baloo destroyed or routed most of the forces facing him, but a few eventually made it to the fort to relieve the trapped infidels. But it was too late. By then Kemal-Yocki and his men had forced his way into the fort. The Amir was martyred in this effort, but his heroic death was not in vain. My warriors captured much of the supplies before fading away, leaving the infidel in possession of the fort, having lost their pride not to mention many men and guns. Brothers we have shown how weak the English are. They may have promised a lot to the traitorous Ibn Hadh, but it is my warriors who won the prize of a large cache of excellent guns. The English have nothing to offer. Rise up and destroy them. This is your last chance, for soon my wrath will fall on traitors as well as on the infidel.
SIR GARNETT HUMBER:
ANOTHER LETTER HOME FROM CAPTAIN EAGER My Darling Cecily, First you must know my darling that you find me in the best of health. Word has reached us here that our most recent engagement with the enemy was sufficiently noteworthy to make the Times. I understand that I am also mentioned in person, and can only apologise that I was unable to communicate with you before you had sight of the newspaper. My injuries are barely worth noting. During the battle I sustained a slight concussion caused by my acting as an unintended cushion for a plummeting dervish, who had carelessly launched himself from our barricade. In the ensuing melee I had thought to draw my sabre but, in a moment of distraction, found myself once more with your parasol in my hand. I can testify to the strength of Maynard's Parasols of Bristol, as I parried at least three full blows from my adversary's blade before he winged me in the upper left arm. I am in little pain, and on return to barracks was swiftly pressed into leading the bowling attack against 'C' company. I returned figures of 3 for 35, of which I am rather proud. I will write more of our recent battle later in my letter. The truth is that I am the most fortunate of men, for you are ever in my thoughts my love. The recent tumult of battle has proved somewhat distracting, but your beautiful photograph speeds me home in an instant. I picture you in the drawing room with your wondrous heart warming smile. I long to be with you. I struggle to comprehend Charlotte's actions. Her elopement must have caused considerable alarm at home. Vexed, I was stirred to throw my commission and vault onto the next steamer back to England. I have, instead, written a separate letter to Plucky's brother, Neville. I have it on Plucky's authority that wherever they have concealed themselves in London, Neville's byzantine financial entanglements with most of the capital's cab companies will lead to them found in a matter of days. I have advised him to contact your Uncle Hubert on their discovery. Please alert him to his forthcoming call to action. On a lighter note, may I say that your most recent hamper is assured to live long in the legends of the 85th. I can report that Mrs Mullins' seed cake travels exceedingly well. The generous portions have not only served as the centre piece to more than one clandestine midnight feast, but have, alone, been enough to convert our native guide, Ali Abdullah, to christendom. Uncannily, Gertrude's collected sonnets had precisely the effect that you predicted. Her text, unhindered by the conventions of our written language, lead one, briefly, down never before explored corridors of thought. Save for her unorthodox use of alliteration, I find it always brings a ready smile to my face, eases my troubled mind, and brings welcome slumber within a couple of pages. And so, to my recent newsworthy escapade. I was ordered to take much needed supplies North, to the Ourugha people who now seek our civilising help. Our adventure started memorably the night before. We had the most entertaining send off, culminating in Tufty Hamilton's extraordinary can-can; a feat that somehow managed to defy both his considerable circumference, and the frail construction of the table upon which he danced. I am now utterly incapable of confronting a sun ripened tomato without thinking of him. The abiding lesson to learn from this exuberant display is to regard 'Old Tom' gin with the circumspect caution it deserves. I seem destined to be in the thick of action. Our supply train was quickly cut off by hordes of enemy dervishes, leaving me with little option but to send elements of my command back to Mahaba for help, while I was to make a stand at a small deserted river station at a place called Pardoo. It would be wrong of me to pass any comment on the substance of the report in the Times. All I will tell you is that I stood with my men in the centre of our line, and that we fought long and hard against unnumbered enemy with no sign of our relief force. Most of my brave men fell over the course of the battle. I cannot praise their courage highly enough. We stood together and fought together and just held on. Forgive me. I have paused as I see the faces of my fallen comrades, their jaunty haircuts, numerous infestations, and bright singing voices. They are no longer with us, and the world is a darker place without them. I believe it is time for one of Gertie's sonnets; I see that 'Fly oh Flown Folly' is her next offering. I should sleep soon. Until the fragrance of your next letter, all my love. Moe, Captain Maurice StJohn Eager "B" Company | |
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